Wolverine’s last stand.
He’s old and falling apart.
But he’s still got it.
Author / hutchwp
Haiku film review #049 – The Lost City of Z
British explorer
Gets lost in the Amazon.
As does this film’s plot.
Kingdom of the Sun set for Blu-ray release
The moment has come for Disney fans! They will finally get a chance to see the lost animated film Kingdom of the Sun.
Originally set for release in 1999 and with a score of songs written by Sting, it was sadly axed after four years of production. It eventually was reworked and released in 2000 as The Emperor’s New Groove, which was well received on release and stood out as a highlight of a fairly mediocre period of the studio’s history. (My review can be found here).
The film has long been pined after by Disney fans and finally the studio has green lit a Blu-ray release date of 31st September for it.
Whilst the film isn’t a 100% finished production, it will be the entire film as far as it was completed. This means the full audio track is included, with the lead cast Eartha Kitt as the evil Yzma, Owen Wilson as the llama herder Pacha, Carla Gurgino as love interest Nina and David Spade as Emperor Manco. There’s no space for John Goldman and Kronk is also not featured. The lost songs by Sting are reinstated, including the tracks “Walk the Llama Llama”, “Snuff Out The Light” and the duet with Shawn Colvin “One Day She’ll Love Me”.
Excuse me? I can’t find my lines in this version.
Where animated sequences are incomplete, we will get either uncoloured hand-drawn sequences or storyboard images, although the latter of these will only account for “7% of why we’ll see”.
Even more interestingly, the double-disc release will features the infamous documentary titled The Sweatbox. Filmed by Sting’s wife Trudie Styler, the 95-minute film covers the entire production process, from initial concept to Sting writing and recording his music, and the infamous meeting where the Kingdom of the Sun is shut down and the reworking begins. This ha been available on various online platforms but never on home media and never in HD.
The entire list of features across the two discs are:
– The Kingdom of the Sun (unfinished but restored film)
– The Sweatbox – a 2002 documentary by Trudie Styler covering the production period and cancellation of the original project.
– Isolated audio tracks for the soundtrack with lyric videos for “One Day She’ll Love Me” and “Snuff Out The Light”.
– Introduction from directors Mark Dindall and Roger Allers.
– Kronk’s Not Groove – a short film reimagining sequel Kronk’s New Groove without Kronk existing.
– Concept art gallery, including designs for unused McDonald’s toys and other unreleased merchandise.
– All bonus features currently included on the Emperor’s New Groove Blu-ray/DVD release.
——————
Don’t you just wish this was a true story? The unfortunate reality is that this is an April Fools joke article.
However, like my joke article from last year for the Ewok Adventure Blu-ray release, I’m sure this will garner a lot of interest from fans around the world and will serve as evidence that something along these lines would be a great profit turner for Disney.
Details of Walking Dead miniseries finale announced
The end of The Walking Dead television series is nigh. It has had a good run but the production companies involved have decided to stop whilst the going is good and call it a day.
Skybound, AMC Studios and Valhalla Entertainment released the following joint statement:
“The series has been going for many years, growing in popularity as time goes on. However, we recognise that the interest peaked at the start of Season 7 and when we put out yet another episode of a secondary character going away on a little side-quest whilst Rick, Michonne and Daryl had another week off, the fan reaction was positively, erm, negative.
“As such, we will be digressing from the comic somewhat and when the show comes back for the four-part miniseries in October 2017, we will have an ending that is going to really satisfy the fans of the show. We don’t want to ruin the plot, but suffice to say that we have sacked 80% of the cast and the result is that the remaining characters have focus and time to get rid of the pesky bad guys in the first episode before finding a cure for the walkers in the second. The final shot will be of a paradise-like world where Rick, Michonne, Carl, Daryl, Rick’s baby daughter (whatever her name is), Sasha, Carol, Morgan and Maggie are sat eating a roast dinner and cake, before Rick breaks the fourth wall and says “This is how you do it J.J.”.
We are aware that this might go against the carefully crafted world we have worked so hard to create, with our survivors finding scraps of hope in a hopeless world, never giving up in one of the most unexpectedly profound explorations of human nature and survival in an apocalyptic scenario. We are also aware that the have been bringing it to life with top-level deliveries of our watertight scripts for almost a decade. However, we decided instead to listen to the small number of bloggers and chat room frequenters that haven’t even got the patience to sit through the total sequences without fast-forwarding, let alone pay attention for an entire ten series, and call it quits now lest they stop illegally downloading our art from Pirate Bay.”
There you have it! I’m as shocked as you are. Glad we can finally see the end in sight.
Have a great 1st April guys.
Obscure film jokes #014
Did you hear about the Geordie man who tried to draw his favourite Moana character?
It was a Pua effort.
Film review – The Lost City of Z (James Gray, 2017)
James Gray’s latest film has been described by various parts of the media as an instant classic, with continual praise being steeped upon it from all angles. “Sublime”, “the revelation of the year”, “a rare piece of contemporary classical cinema.” All phrases used to describe “Z”.
The only thing I can relate to less than these words is the film itself, which I found to be a veritable snoozefest.
The true story revolves around British explorer Percy Fawcett (Charlie Hunnam). Pawcett was a member of the British army who, at the request of the British Royal Geographical Society (headed up by Ian McDiarmid), goes on a mapping expedition to the border between Bolivia and Brazil just after the turn of the 20th Century and finds a hitherto unknown tribe. The film tells of his initial and return trips there, along with his relationships with his peers, his expedition team (including an unrecognisable Robert Pattinson), his wife (Sienna Miller) and his children (one of which is eventually portrayed by Tom Holland).
Team Beardward!
Ironically, “Z” doesn’t tread brand new cinematic ground. It has the feel of a film that was made many decades ago. This isn’t necessarily a good thing. For when The Artist paid tribute to film’s silent era, or when La La Land paid tribute to the great MGM musicals, we remembered great experiences we’d had enjoying films throughout the ages.
I know “Z” feels like an old film, but I don’t think that old film is any good.
Sadly, with so much time to think about the film between the interesting parts, it becomes easy to over-analyse, a subconscious decision my brain made to keep itself entertained. The heart of the issue may well be Hunman himself, or the character he is portraying.
It can’t be his fault – we already know he’s a good actor. So the blame should lie with either the director or the writer. Unfortunately for James Gray, he is both.
Too often we skipped over interesting parts of his life. The Great War is skipped over and we get a snapshot in the form of him leading a troop into battle in the Somme. It’s actually one of the highlights of the film, portrayed without any Hollywood bravado, but we are left to guess about critical developments in his personality, the strain left on his family, and the strengthened relationship with his companions Henry Coston (Pattinson) and Arthur Manley (Edward Ashley).
This companionship is sadly dropped before the third act gets going, which is a shame as it’s the part of the film that really held my interest.
The strange result is that we end up with an over-long story that feels lethargic, which covers a man’s desire to further his family name and his military career, his strained relationship with his wife and children, his growing relationship with his expedition companions and a small amount of professional rivalry with a fellow explorer.
We get both too much and too little, which is a great shame.
There’s enough to keep the interest, but somehow it doesn’t feel right.
Theatre review – Waitress (Diane Paulus, American Repertory Theater, 18th March 2017)
As the star of the show, Jessie Mueller, leads the performance tonight for the final time, I thought it was a good time to write about how lucky I feel to have been able to catch one of her last appearances.
It has been on Broadway for just under one year, but it felt completely fresh when we saw a matinee performance on a drizzly Saturday afternoon.
The first thing you notice as you walk through the doors at he Repertory is the smell of delicious baking pies. They have pies on sale; I have no idea how I resisted.
The hallway is decked out like the inside of a café and bakery, with some themed merchandise available. Walking past this and into the theatre, you’re greeted with a stage set that starts to tell the story – pies up the wall providing an edge to the proscenium arch and curtains that would soon reveal a bustling and busy Joe’s Diner, where most of our story is set.
“It only takes a taste”
The story is based on the 2007 film of the same name. Jenna Hunterson (Mueller) is a waitress in the aforementioned café somewhere in the deepest heart of southern USA. Every day she bakes a new flavour of fresh pie, much to the delight of the frequently-returning customers. She is in a dead-end relationship with aggressive musician Earl (William Popp) and feels her job isn’t going anywhere either. Instead, she gives herself fully to the sugar, butter and flour of her baking, daydreaming as she recalls happier times as a child when she baked with her mother. Her close friendship to two work colleagues – the positively sassy Becky (Charity Angél Dawson) and nervous Dawn (Caitlin Houlahan) – helps her retain her sanity. When she finds out she’s unexpectedly pregnant with Earl’s child, she has to take a visit to her doctor. However, her regular doctor has now retired and has been replaced with the young and handsome Dr Jim Pomatter (Drew Gehling), who appears as interested in Jenna as he is with her fantastic baking ability.
There were some hot tickets on Broadway the week we visited, with Inside Evan Hansen and a previewing Hello, Dolly! garnering the most interest outside the top tier musicals Like Hamilton, The Lion King and The Book of Mormon. It was, therefore, a shock to discover just how good this musical is, with a plot as deep as one of Jenna’s deep-dish blueberry pies.
“What a mess I’m making”
This is a musical that touches on failed life goals, unwanted pregnancies, extra-marital affairs and the acceptance of compromise. It’s all done, for the most part, with a touch of humour and grace that elevates the more sombre moments.
But it doesn’t just stop there. Most of the plot and delivery is taken or derived from the story of the original film, so the thing that really sets it apart from its origins is the fine music provided by Sara Barielles. The songs are suitably pitched somewhere between Americana and country, perfect for the setting. They are simply excellent songs.
The comedy pairing of Dawn and Ogie (Christopher Fitzgerald) supplies plenty of laughs and they are given two of the most memorable songs: “When He Sees Me” and “Never Gonna Let You Go”. Becky gets her chance to shine early in the second half with “I Didn’t Plan It”. But it is inevitably Jenna that gets the opportunity to wow the audiences with some of the best songs in a new musical this decade: show opener “What’s Inside?”, “What Baking Can Do” and “Everything Changes”.
Losing an iconic star of a musical always risks feeling like the end of a chapter, though with show writer Sara Bareilles ready to step into the role she created there is a sense of excitement over where it will go. Losing Mueller is a great loss and her infectious enthusiasm for the show has clearly affected the whole cast. With the male leads also being replaced the whole show will feel completely refreshed (Chris Diamantopoulous and Will Swenson take over as Dr. Pomatter and Earl respectively on 31st March).
Here’s hoping the changes to the cast will breathe yet more life into it and see its popularity grow.
Obscure film jokes #013
What do you call a tough actor who likes to paint?
Vin Easel.
(Contributed by Robert Smalley)
Film review – My Feral Heart (Jane Gull, 2016)
Last night 36 cinemas in the U.K. played host to screenings of My Feral Heart as part of World Down Syndrome Day. The many 100s in attendance were treated to a moving portrayal of coping with loss and the difficulties of abrupt changes in circumstances that people with Down syndrome are sometimes forced to cope with.
Star Steven Brandon plays Luke, a young man with Down syndrome who is coming to terms with the death of his mother. Moved to a nearby care home, he must forge new relationships with the carer at the home Eve (Shana Swash) and a man working nearby on community service called Pete (Will Rastal). After leaving the home to explore the surrounding areas he is comes across a girl in need of help, a task that brings Luke new purpose.
The performance by the lead actor Brandon is extremely moving. This is a complex role that he clearly gave a lot of emotion to. He is a heartbroken son living alongside people he doesn’t feel any connection towards and also feeling robbed of his independence.
There’s a clear comradery between the three lead characters and it’s in these scenes you feel the charm of the humour. It feels natural when Pete laughs at Luke for thinking babies “come from China”, before a big infectious smile appears on Luke’s face. Without this chemistry the film could have fallen down, but praise must also go to director Jane Gull for cultivating and capturing this on film.
The performances are complimented by a wonderfully-orchestrated soundtrack by Barrington Pheloung, who has been crafting high quality film and television scores for almost thirty years.
The ultimate ideal is that people will view this film and change their underlying feelings about Down syndrome, either through the effect of the story or due to the brilliant performance from Brandon. The rhetoric surrounding World Down Syndrome Day is that those living with the condition don’t have special needs, but human needs. They don’t have to be treated completely differently to anyone else. Though the message is precisely this in My Feral Heart, the film itself serves as evidence enough of a great acting achievement by a bright young actor with Down syndrome.
It is heartwarming and completely moving, and it’s something that really deserves to be seen.
Secret Cinema X event 2017 – What is it?
Note: Super sleuth Oliver Morris can have most of the credit for this article!
This morning all previous attendees of any Secret Cinema events were unexpectedly sent an email providing limited details on their next fully secret event.
Launching on Sunday 9th April and running until Friday 14th April, the email promised that they would be “presenting a yet unreleased secret film in a secret location”.
“Exploring vivid, enigmatic landscapes ripe with intrigue and coded messages, you will become part of a world that blossoms like a delicate flower to reveal a clandestine, unforgettable experience”.
The tickets for the event go on sale tomorrow (Wednesday 22nd March) at 13:00 (GMT).
You may be intrigued by the idea, but if you want to know the likely films that it could be, read on.
The facts
The email states that the event is strictly for people over the age of 18, which indicates that the film has been rated with an 18 certificate by the BBFC (British Board of Film Classification).
We can also deduce that the film is probably going to be released in a short window between late April and the end of June. The film must be ready for viewing by the general public and it wouldn’t benefit from the extra press this will generate if its release date is too far in the future.
There is also a lot of allusions to plant life, flowers, growth and blossoming, which indicates that this is a strong theme in the film.
The quote “You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep spring from coming” is a quote from Pablo Neruda and is possibly a red herring, but could be a clue to the film’s country of origin. My hunch is the former.
The final clue provided in the email is the visual title, which features a sketched eye pouring into a waterfall, set amidst a backdrop of a Japanese-style sun that is reminiscent of their flag. It looks Dali-esque, but is certainly very much something that makes the viewers think of the country Japan.
So what films could it be?
This leaves not many option for films. Here are the best guesses.
The Handmaiden
Park Chan-wook’s latest film is an erotic mystery horror that lit up the end-of-year lists for many of the in-the-know critics last year. It is based on the Sarah Waters book Fingersmith, but is set in South Korea under Japanese colonial rule rather than Victorian Britain. The story revolves around a young woman who has been raised as a thief and working as a handmaiden undercover in a rich heiress’s house.
This might seem like quite a leftfield choice for Secret Cinema to tackle, but it certainly fits the bill. It’s essentially set in Japan and has already received a BBFC classification of 18.
It is set for general release on 14th April, which is the day the Secret Cinema run finishes.
Park Chan-wook’s previous work includes two films from 2013 – Stoker and Snowpiercer – along with 2009’s Thirst and 2003’s Oldboy. His films are certainly beautiful works of art and their quality belies the fact his wider work is largely unknown in the west. But perhaps that is the perfect reason for Secret Cinema to base a whole event around his new release.
Alien: Covenant
The only other feasible alternative to The Handmaiden in my eyes is Alien: Covenant. Set for release in May 2017, the film concerns a new crew visiting an uncharted planet that looks on arrival to be full of blooming flowers and plantlife – initially appearing to be a paradise planet.
It is a direct sequel to Prometheus, which itself was subject to a Secret Cinema event in June 2012 immediately prior to its release.
This sequel is set for general release on 19th May 2017, which would put it in the frame for being tackled.
It is probably going to receive a 15 rating (the trailers were rated 15), but that doesn’t mean the night can be so horrifically planned that they don’t want to admit people younger than 18. Plus there will probably be alcohol for sale, which would also need an age restriction.
Certainly the spending power of 20th Century Fox would lend itself to a last-minute decision to be subject to a huge Secret Cinema event, with increased cost as a result of running it in parallel with the Moulin Rouge event across London. Would the Secret Cinema team put so much pressue on themselves to run two concurrently unless they were set to make a lot of money on the back of it?
Conclusion
Honestly, it could be either of the above. Or neither. The beauty is in the guessing and the not knowing.
Either way, the nights will be a wonderful treat for fans of cinema and well worth the money.
Act fast tomorrow at 13:00 to avoid disappointment.
Note: This article proved to be spot on (2 for 2!). Check out the follow-up here and a quick haiku review here.
Cinema, etc. 