Quite soon into the opening of John Travolta’s directorial debut, you may find yourself audibly gasping. Or perhaps saying things like “What’s going on here?” or “Why?” or “Is this a parody?”Perhaps, like me, you paused it to work out what the back story about this kind-of film was. Maybe you’ve come across this very article and feel like you wrote it yourself.

In many ways, ‘Propeller One-Way Night Coach’ is unlike any other film you’ve ever seen. Unique in many ways. It sets the bar quite low, then runs head first into it. Indeed, The Telegraph writer Robbie Collin declared that it was like “watching a toddler run into a lamp post”. It’s hard to disagree.

Watching the opening credits, there are some classy animated visuals that set the scene quite well, with a vintage jazz track providing additional vibes. Sure, it says ‘John Travolta’ a few times more than is necessary, but I’m on board.

Then the narration kicks in. Nothing can prepare you for the effort required to stay engaged with this narration. It makes Harrison Ford’s infamous voiceover for Blade Runner sound like Robin Williams doing a standup routine after 10 cans of Red Bull.

The story itself is quite a simple recounting of how Travolta, as a child, fell in love with planes. It is easygoing, formed as an adaptation of his children’s book of the same name from almost 30 years ago. It isn’t bad exactly. It’s a very personal book for him, and I’m sure it’s great for aviation enthusiasts. Undertaking a passion project is often where movie magic happens. I shudder to bring up Citizen Kane in relation to this film but here we are.

I just absolutely don’t think this needed to be adapted for the small screen and it felt like a complete waste of time to watch it. It falls into the category of being so blandly bad that you should absolutely not watch it, not even ironically.

Sorry John. I, like you, gave it a go. I think we both wasted our time.